Apparently I am a fan of ridiculously priced and pretentiously named coffee beverages - so I frequent Starbucks, especially on the days where I have work meetings in Midtown. I have developed an entire routine. I leave my office earlier then necessary for fear of being late and hop on the subway, but always act surprised and bummed out that I am too early, which then gives me time and an excuse to go into Starbucks. Then I tell my self, "this money really could be going towards something else, but since it's just this one time it's ok." This line has not changed over the course of a year. So, in following with my routine I ended up in the Starbucks beside the corporate office this afternoon and decided I'd get a drink just this one time because I was early.
Now one can expect a Starbucks to be crowded on a good day, but someone should have warned me about the buy one holiday drink and get a second one free promo. Sheesh - there practically was a small town in that place!
Once in the line, I noticed that the gentleman ahead of me was very intrigued by the entire promotion, so much so that he was mired in indecision and ridiculous questions. "Can I come back for my second drink later?" No he was quickly told. "Does it apply to all drinks?" No, just the holiday beverages he was quickly informed. "And I cannot come back for it later," he asked just to be sure. No, he was informed once more. The cashier seemed willing to help by asking if he was going to stay and drink his first beverage in the Starbucks. His interest seemed to peak. Unfortunately she said "lobby" as opposed to store or here or in the coffee shop. Two more rounds of questioning occurred starting with the words "where" and "what" before both parties were on the same page that "lobby" meant "in the store" or "the coffee shop." I blame the otherwise wonderful cashier for this mishap. Eh, maybe I should blame Mr. Can I Come Back Later. I mean, how dense can you be? Where? Where do you think she means - Mars? I mean, really. AHHH! Come on folks!
But was she so wonderful (cue dramatic music and soap opera ending scene close-up!!!)? Maybe she had fooled me. It was now my turn to order and there are only two drinks I ever really purchase. A Venti Carmel Macchiato or a Venti Vanilla Chai Latte, for those of you who are interested in knowing my favorite Starbucks drinks. I'm a man who sticks to the rivers and the lakes he's used to, so I rarely deviate from those two beverages - even in the summer (drinks are still hot) or during holiday drink season. I seemingly committed a cardinal sin on what was buy one beverage get one free day. "Would you like one of our holiday beverages instead, buy one get one free." I quickly declined, I ordered a Venti Vanilla Chai Latte and was comfortable and confident in my choice. "Would you like to buy one for a co-worker?" I declined once more. "You sure, it's buy one get one free!" Awkward silence. Insert heavy sigh. 3, 2, 1...1, 2, 3! Like lady...no means no! I want my ONE drink that is NOT on the HOLIDAY drink list and I want to be left alone. No guilt, no guilt!!! I was tempted to throw up the Cross - it was like a cult that I didn't want to join. Can't a man just get one drink? I shuffled off to the side with the other waiting patrons. Cashier woman totally lost cool points from three minutes ago when she patiently dealt with Mr. Can I Come Back Later Guy. I envied her patience and now she was testing mine. Maybe his annoying qualities had suddenly possessed her soul.
In her defense though, the folks after me took the deal and I think the person behind them did as well. I suppose I was just that odd. As the father of a very good friend of mine used to say. "There is no such thing as a free lunch, but if someone offers you one - you take it!"
As I continued to wait and the Starbucks became even more packed, I continued to shuffle around for free space. Inevitably, there truly was no more space and I walked right into the way of a woman approaching me. We exchanged a pleasant excuse me to one another. I put my head down and slid to the left. She followed that path. She slid to the right and I followed that path. Maybe it was time to look up. I apologized for my seeming inability to get out of the freakin' way. She laughed and then I laughed. Maybe she was flirting. Was I flirting? Sometimes my signals get crossed. But it was in this moment of friendliness that it happened - something that should never happen in public. "We're like dancing," she said. I laughed again as she stood in front of me before she then decided to SHIMMY. Yes, apparently because we were "like dancing," she decided to demonstrate for me with a SHIMMY. I laughed again, this time displaying my level of discomfort a little more freely. I was embarrassed that I was sucked into this little midday performance. This time I was capable of sliding the right way, away from my new friend. I hope no one thought I had condoned her shimming - in public at least. I am all for a private shimmy or a drunken public shimmy, but not a midday workday sober shimmy. I have too much self respect for shimming under any other circumstance then the acceptable ones I have just outlined.
Maybe this was all punishment for making lame ass excuses to buy ridiculously priced beverages.
For the record, I have seen you shimmy mid-workday on more than one occasion.
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