Boobs and Picassos

I always worry they're going to swallow a fly!

Let me just say that MAYBE I could have married a woman if I really had to! It's sort of like Brussels Sprouts, not really my thing, but if you serve them up with enough oil and wrap them in some bacon, I'll slop those suckers right on down. Hmm, maybe in my quest to prove my ability to wiggle into my straight suit, I should have used a different phrase. Anyway, anything is possible folks. But all jokes aside, I appreciate woman - like a nice bottle of wine, or how I feel about a Picasso. Neat, really neat, but I still wouldn't want to to take it to bed with me, make it scream my name, and break the bed frame - but I can still appreciate it. It's good to appreciate things. However, if I had to, I could take it to the bedroom and maybe be fruitful and multiple. Isn't that what The Bible says we're supposed to be doing anyway? No fun, no name screaming - just the purpose of being fruitful and multiplying. Doesn't seem too fun and more like a duty that I maybe would only have to do twice. I am very serious about my duties. I think I could handle that. 

But had I decided to stay in what would have been my messy and unorganized closet, I could have potentially lived with a woman. I can kiss a woman, I can even grab a pair of boobs - they're fun Yeah, boobs are cool. More importantly, you can decorate them in all sorts of fun bras these days, which is cool. Bras are like cars - so many models! I generally prefer a harder more defined chest, but I can handle cleavage. Yes, boobs are neat. I think my only struggle would have been with "the box." "The Box," as I like to call it - in a whisper - is the downstairs equipment. There are just too many bells and whistles going on down there and I am not really into anything that leads to deep darker places. I like to know where I'm headed at all times. But I also didn't like wine when I was in 21. Now it's one of my favorite things so maybe I could have learned to tolerate "The Box." Maybe I should let me father read this post! Maybe there is hope after all!

I thought about boobs being cool when I met a very good friend for dinner today. I told her that she looked young today and then, with another glance, very nice. I looked at her one more time, sitting across from me, and told her she looked spicy. My compliments seemed to fall upon death ears, which made me think - can a gay guy not give a straight girl a compliment? Does my compliment mean less because I bop around in my skivvies at least three times per week to a Madonna song? Quicker than a Ray of Liiiiiiiiiight!!!! Anyway, I was hurt that she didn't seem interested in my compliment. Now, in her defense, I might have let out a slight growl while talking about her hotness, so maybe it was hard to take me seriously. I digress...a compliment is a compliment. Maybe it was that straight boys don't say things like you "look spicy." Hell many self-respecting people, gay or straight, probably don't tell people they look spicy. Maybe I simply need to work on pick-up lines - who knows. I felt as though my compliment deserved proper attention and appreciation. Again, I can admire the Picasso without taking it home and breaking bed frames. 

Yes, I maybe could have married a woman and maybe have been a back up dancer and a NFL quarterback too! I suppose I could have been a great many things with some things simply more likely than others - like being caught dancing in my skivvies, my hands flaring in the air. And, of course, some of those things may preclude any self-respecting woman from choosing me as a husband, which may adversely effect the entire premise of this post regarding my ability to marry a woman. Let me think about this a little more and get back to you.