Do you know that my father still has not apologized for his I can't believe my son is still a homo routine before Thanksgiving? Still has not apologized. So, we still haven't spoken - nope. Think it's good to keep him on ice for a bit. It's all or nothing. Uh oh, Cher song popped in my head...BABY IT'S ALL OR NOTHING NOW! OOOOO! Of course it's a love song so it only somewhat applies, but I digress. Anyway, seriously - it's all or nothing on this topic. For now, it is clearly nothing.
You see this is why my father is going to have to be put in Shady Pines, with no Polident or Depends. packed in his little duffel bag. He can just sit there all day and shit himself staring out the window. It will give him plenty of time to think about his decision to be a jerk. On a good day I have joked about sending my parents to Shady Pines, but if they want to be assholes I'll start picking up brochures to review now. And unlike on The Golden Girls when Shady Pines burns down and Sophia goes to live with her daughter Dorothy, in my show titled Daddy's a Dick To Only Son, we just throw the old bastard out on the street if the retirement village burns down. I'm just saying.
I don't like old folks as it is - well most. They think just because they've made it to 65 and receive Medicare they can say and do anything they want. For all of the much ballyhooed "death panels" in Obamacare that really didn't exist, if I had written the bill there would have been death panels that would decide to snuff out the most miserable and bitchy of old folks.
It reminds me of the time a few years back when I was ill and had to stand in the pharmacy line at Duane Reade. Some old goat decided to jump the line with his rum raisin ice cream. I wasn't having it. I told him to get to the back of the line or to take his damn ice cream to the front - at the regular check-out. He called me "rude" and chastised me by peppering his sentences with "young man." I dropped an f-bomb or two and told him to take his ass to the front of the store. In my defense, I was under the weather and in no mood. I seem to have bad luck with Duane Reade's and lines. But unlike my yelling at the poor German girl erroneously, I maintain that the Bob Barker look-a-like deserved it. My friend who we will simply call "M" was present to witness the scene.
Oh, I know I am going to hell. I'm a terrible person. I'm not speaking to my father and I want to snuff out old people in general (most) yada yada yada! No worries, I have already taken the preemptive step of submitting my application for hell, passed a credit check, and put down a deposit. They seem to really like me down there - so no issues there. I should fit in perfectly. Now all I need to do is find the right recliner that can hold up for eternity.
And because I loved this show! Go to 2:44. How did my father not know I was gay again?
It reminds me of the time a few years back when I was ill and had to stand in the pharmacy line at Duane Reade. Some old goat decided to jump the line with his rum raisin ice cream. I wasn't having it. I told him to get to the back of the line or to take his damn ice cream to the front - at the regular check-out. He called me "rude" and chastised me by peppering his sentences with "young man." I dropped an f-bomb or two and told him to take his ass to the front of the store. In my defense, I was under the weather and in no mood. I seem to have bad luck with Duane Reade's and lines. But unlike my yelling at the poor German girl erroneously, I maintain that the Bob Barker look-a-like deserved it. My friend who we will simply call "M" was present to witness the scene.
Oh, I know I am going to hell. I'm a terrible person. I'm not speaking to my father and I want to snuff out old people in general (most) yada yada yada! No worries, I have already taken the preemptive step of submitting my application for hell, passed a credit check, and put down a deposit. They seem to really like me down there - so no issues there. I should fit in perfectly. Now all I need to do is find the right recliner that can hold up for eternity.
And because I loved this show! Go to 2:44. How did my father not know I was gay again?
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