But while I may have my conflicted emotions on homelessness, I never share these thoughts with the homeless I may see on a given day. I imagine they have their own problems and don't need my opinion. Nope, I either give or walk by silently and go about my day bopping on my iPod.
For some reason, today, as I declined to give a handout when asked, a member from the peanut gallery of non-homeless people seemingly approved of my behavior. Out of the blue, a man shouted...
"YEAH, YEAH, CAUSE YOU KNOW HE IS THE ONLY MAN IN NEW YORK CITY WHO IS HOMELESS!"
I was shocked. I couldn't believe it. Did he actually just say that? Sure, you may think that and you sometimes feel that way, but you don't actually say it. Dude, you're not homeless and you're supposedly a sane citizen. We keep those thoughts to ourselves. I felt like he had broken the homeless to non-homeless person interaction etiquette!
He was well dressed and standing beside a car with his girlfriend before getting ready to go into some posh Meatpacking District restaurant. He was so smug. He was proud of himself. I was witnessing a modern day version of Scrooge! Hey - he's homeless asshole! Of course, I didn't shout that.
I suddenly felt more and more like an ass too. Maybe I should have given the man something? Yes, my proud onlooker was right, he certainly was not the only homeless person in NYC. The homeless are as much a part of NYC as say - rats. And before I am chastised for that statement, I am NOT comparing the homeless to rats. Maybe comparing the quantity but not the quality or there worth as people, just saying. ANYWAY, but did he really have to say that? Did he have to, essentially, sarcastically chastise the homeless man for daring to ask me for a few pennies? There was no doubt that the poor man heard.
I can be an asshole all on my own. Like the time I unknowingly yelled at a German woman who jumped the line at Duane Reade and thought it necessary to bang the counter to get her attention. It was only then I learned she was German and her line jumping was probably more a product of being foreign and not knowing where the line started than wanting to be rude. The point is I can be an asshole all by myself. I don't need encouragement to turn my nose up in disgust at the people in the street who are smelly, begging, and generally unpleasant. As a New Yorker, hell as an American, I think it is easy to become jaded with these sorts of things. I fortunately have not become so jaded where feel the need to give verbal slap downs to those who ask for any spare change.
But maybe the guy just had more balls than me. I mean, why didn't I give the homeless man anything if I felt so bad? Who is worse, the man who says what he really thinks or the man who hides what he really thinks because it isn't proper?
"YEAH, YEAH, CAUSE YOU KNOW HE IS THE ONLY MAN IN NEW YORK CITY WHO IS HOMELESS!" That line has stuck with me over these last couple of days. I don't really have an answer to this problem, but I have decided that I will try to think about it more, at which point I am probably more apt to dig in my pocket. Of course, if I think about it too much, I may think I am getting scammed. Makes me think about the time my friend saw a panhandler on the subway, seeking funds for the burial of her son. Five years later, my friend ran into that same panhandler burying that same son. It's easy to become jaded in this town! Who knows. I guess I'll stick with my policy of randomly giving as the mood strikes me. I can't save the world, but maybe can help a person here or there.
No comments:
Post a Comment