I Hate These Underwears!

Hmm, I am going to need to stop having a doughnut everyday with my coffee.

For some reason I feel like I often find myself explaining ridiculous and odd things to people. Case in point, a situation that recently happened with The Boy. Because I have a general aversion to household chores, "The Boy" was folding laundry, at which point I was scolded because of a pair of underwear that I have had seemingly forever, but not to the point where holes have developed. I am guilty of that sometimes. To be clear, these are a respectable enough pair of boxer briefs but are not the most fashion forward or trendy pair of skivvies I own. I mean they are not a pair of sexy Calvin's or anything, but they do the job on a dreary let me slap something on and simply go to work because I have to type Monday morning.

I hate these "underwears!" he exclaimed. He says underwears just to annoy me as we have often had the discussion that I believe the word underwear is plural - as in put these in the underwear drawer. There is no "underwears" drawer, right? Ahh! I mean come on! The Boy's disdain for this pair of underwear has been discussed before. "Throw them out," I responded. I had hoped that he would now sleep better tonight, I had conceded. "Or use them as a rag." Ok, before I am judged sometimes clothes that I plan to discard, particularly unmentionables, get used a rag for cleaning. A dust cloth or a temporary sponge. Is that odd? They are clean when they are used! I don't do it all the time! Anyway, back to the story. "No, no...I am sure they were given to you by someone special or something." Insert eye roll. I am not sure why such things are said. In his defense, I am known to accidentally keep clothing from men and females alike, siblings of friends, etc. I am practically a step away from borrowing clothes from hobos off the street, it has been that bad at times. Sweat pants, t-shirts, hoodies, basketball shorts (as I don't do sports that is another story as to why I have those), etc of others have ended up in my possession. My closet over the years has turned into a hodgepodge of materials gathered from friends past and present. I also would like to take the time to go on record and say that I don't steal these things. Somehow they are borrowed and simply not returned. Anyway, I was never the hot piece of gay ass that some boy lusted after and envisioned in some pair of sexy underwear, at which point he bought them for me, just saying! No need for the "someone special or something" comment. 

I have, however, been given underwear by a staff member at my old place of employment. "Babe, remember those were given to me by someone at work - a female." My justification for why I had them was no less ridiculous then his sarcastic comment as to why he imagined I kept them for so long. The Boy didn't say anything else. I think he has adjusted to my ridiculous tales to otherwise everyday normal questions or comments. The underwear were folded and placed in the drawer. 

I wonder how many other folks were given underwear by their co-workers? Well, maybe those folks who were having affairs, but I was not having an affair with this woman and she certainly knew of my homosexuality. I like to tell myself that she gave them to me in a maternal way, the way your mother or grandmother might always want to know whether you have enough socks and t-shirts in your wardrobe when you're younger. My grandmother and mother were very big on making sure I had thermal underwear when I was younger. Anyone else have that problem? Anyway, it was just one of those odd and ridiculous moments as I am opening a Christmas present in my office, expecting to see a book or a gift card, but out come three pair of underwear - now sitting on your desk. She stayed and watched me open them by the way as if to ensure I was satisfied. Awkward. You wonder how many other people this happens to, but in my instance you look around for confirmation that it isn't just you, people turn away as if they cannot relate. Ridiculous. Is it me? Do I attract the ridiculousness? I must say though, two out of the three pairs are some of my favorite underwear. Comfortable, fit nicely in the right places. Good colors. I especially enjoy the holiday pair with the little reindeer, I won't lie. Sometimes I wear those out of season and have been chastised for that as well. Eh, what are you going to do. She did a good job. Maybe more co-workers should randomly buy me underwear. And besides, you can never have too many pairs of underwear, right?