O Christmas Tree

Our live Christmas tree was delivered by a Grinch this morning. I will discuss later why on Earth a live Christmas Tree was delivered to our home. But yes, a Christmas tree was delivered this morning by someone who looked like his name would be "Lou" and owns a seedy bar in Brooklyn. First of all, Lou was lost. When "Lou" called for additional directions, The Boy explained that he was on the wrong block of our street. The response to that was, "son of a bitch!"Not the most professional, but ok, I don't like being lost either.

When "Lou" finally arrived at our apartment, I attempted to buzz him in. We have a video monitor so you can see and talk to whomever is downstairs. Of course, just because we were dealing with poor Lou, I couldn't seem to buzz in. I told him to push the door. I don't think "Lou" ever really pushed, but I can hear and see him barking rudely on the video. "COME DOWN AND OPEN DA DOOR! OPEN DA DOOR! IT WON'T OPEN." I hadn't had my morning coffee yet and I don't deal well with hostility before at least one cup of coffee has been consumed. The worst of the Borough of Brooklyn had thrown up all over this man. I walked away from the video monitor in a huff and yelled to The Boy. "Go let him in, I can't be bothered and I don't like his energy." Yes, suddenly I was interested in energy - who knew. 

"Lou" was now allowed in the house, dragging our Christmas Tree with him. I hid in the office so I could go unseen by the man who looked as if his diet consisted of hoagies with lots of onions on a daily basis. Uh oh, I think I am showing my roots! I believe in New York, these sandwiches are called heroes, but in my native Philadelphia those sandwiches are called hoagies and I believe in the rest of the country they are called subs. I digress, the point is, "Lou" made me very uncomfortable for some reason. Suddenly a series of orders were being given, but not by the renter's of the apartment.

"I need two quarts of warm wadah!" 

"You got the wadah?" 

"Hey, hey, hold da tree. A little more to da right."
"Da right!"

Better The Boy than me, I hid in the office and straightened up stuff. It was like Scruff McGruff the crime dog was in the apartment, just more than I could handle before 10:30am on a Sunday. 

"Hey, it's still crooked! You gotta move it towards ya! No, the other way!"

"Son of a bitch!"

"I need scissors." 

I decided to come out of the of office then and pop up behind "Lou" with a simple hello after the latest son of a bitch. "Lou" nodded and fortunately it seemed as though The Boy and "Lou" worked out the straightening up of the Christmas tree. Before "Lou" left, he let out one more little gem.

"Um, you know, tax and gratuity were not included on your bill."

Hehe - gotta love "Lou." Once he left, I complained a little more about the energy that he brought into the apartment and that this is what happens when you order a Christmas tree off the internet. I am really into good energy today - who knew! I've picked with The Boy about this tree ordering thing all week, but I must admit on paper the idea of ordering a live Christmas tree off the internet and having someone bring the stand, place it in the stand and set it up, etc - seems appealing. But I always make fun of The Boy for taking very simple things like picking out a Christmas tree and feeling the need to unnecessarily launch them into the 21st Century, making productions out of otherwise ordinary events. But I must say, even though "Lou" was Grinch like and an ass, I am glad the tree is upright. I can't say the same happened last year when I purchased a tree, but that is another story for a different day.