The Past 36 Hours...

Oh boy! The past 36 hours or so have been something else and not because I was doing any end of the world preparation. I had every intention on the evening of the 20th to come home and to finish the draft I intended for that day. Instead, I went to a holiday party where I became plastered! I was that guy. I have always been afraid of being that guy, but alas it finally happened. Good news is that there were a few that guys and that girls this party - so no one person stood out too much. We all blended in as a blob of drunken hot mess. A little too much fun and a lot of too much to drink, but everyone seemed entertained. 

I apparently dug deep within my internal closet and dusted off whatever piece of heterosexual that remains deep within my soul. Apparently, there may be hope after all for me - the Rock's thighs be damned. I told someone  that she was a spicy Latina and told her to take a twirl. Thank God we don't see one another often. See, I always go down the wrong path because people entertain me. Had she just walked away or scoffed I would have gotten the message. Nope, she twirled and danced and giggled. "Damn gurl you look good. Go on Marisol. Go on gurl, spin for me!" When girl becomes gurl, someone needs to take the margarita away from me. Also, in my mind at the time it was acceptable to sexually harass her because I prefaced my behavior by announcing that I was a homosexual and getting married to a man ...and that's when I said, "But damn gurl you look good!" Yes, yes, that's how that happened - still coming back to me. 

Someone was kind enough to whisper in my ear, "that's not her name." I apparently shrugged that off called her a series of names starting with the letters M before finally getting it right - I think. "Marisol" didn't seem to care. As she continued to remind my me, "Mother of adult kids! Two!" Insert twirl. After reflecting upon the night, I believe "Marisol" was a believer in spanx - and she looked damn good.

I MAY have picked up a woman, but that is debatable as I don't exactly recall that incident and am simply being told I did. I am a big believer in proof. Until there is proof - it falls into the MAY column. I MAY have chastised some folks who I deemed to be leaving the party to early (no they were smart and were trying to maintain dignity). I MAY have given my boss a bear hug in the corner and thanked him for hiring me and informed him how much I hated my old job. I MAY have said and done a lot.

I was dragged out of the party before I really got sloppy - thank God. I MAY have cursed at a taxi cab for taking too long to drive up Madison Avenue in Friday rush hour traffic. I MAY have warned the cab driver that I felt sick and had to pee and that my co-workers would never forgive me if I urinated on them. I MAY have finally become sick and vomited in The Boy's Jack Spade bag. I have secretly always wanted that bag for myself. I believe it is now finally mine. I MAY have done some other things that MAY be deemed slightly questionable and regrettable. 

I don't know what else really happened on December 20th because I came home, passed out. I woke up briefly at some points and was fed chicken fingers by The Boy. Next time I woke up it was December 21st. It seemed as though the world did not end and that by that point most of Asia had already completed the majority of the day without incident - imagine that! Of course, this now meant that I had to show my face to various co-workers. Oh, the shame! Suddenly I was secretly hoping the world had ended just to preserve whatever dignity I had on the morning of the 20th. On the morning of the 20th, I was seen as responsible and fairly buttoned up. I had intended to come home and post an entry on to the blog.  It was not to be. It was a new world for me on the morning of the 21st. 

I called several people for business related matters on the 21st. All the conversations started the same way.  I received a few "Someone had fun last night!" or  a "how are you feeling" followed by giggles and a few "we love you's" Ugh, I just bet they do! DIGNITY! DIGNITY! MY REPUTATION! D'oh!

One staff member came to me, cracking up laughing, and said..."you were pretty straight man! Pretty straight! What happened?"

I don't know. I don't know.  

I planned to post these events yesterday, but I received the pleasant surprise from my sister and brother-in-law, as her birthday fell on the doomsday that wasn't. I spent the evening with her, my brother-in-law, and The Boy. It was a great way to end the day. I feel as though I am shaming her with this tale. I will find a way to redeem myself.

So folks forgive me for my delayed posts. I made it through the end of the world, am now sober, and back in the blogging saddle.