Monday, January 7, 2013

Movie Theater Etiquette

I don't go to the movies very often. Between my inability to sit still for two hours or more and the rise of bed bugs - just not my thing. Yes, I have developed a slightly unrealistic fear of bed bugs, but that is a discussion for another post. But this weekend, I ventured to the theatre and quickly realized that the masses needed a reminder of movie theater etiquette. I am not sure if there are any books or pamphlets out there on this subject, but here are five simple steps that all considerate beings should remember to make the viewing experience of everyone in the theater better.

1) Turn off your cell phone. That little reminder that comes on the screen before the movie begins imploring everyone to turn off their phone is not a suggestion or some child's wish. We all know the turn of your phone rule, but yet this still proves to be problematic for some. Turn off your damn phone!

2) In the event that you did not follow Step One and your phone happens to ring during the most interesting part of the movie please quickly, and without commentary, turn off your phone at this most unfortunate time. Saying "oh shit" won't endear yourself to the rest of us who are currently being disturbed.

3) In the event that you disturbed a large section of the theater, as discussed in Step Two, and you rush to turn off your phone - please make sure it is actually turned off. Don't just hit the little button thingy on the side! No, no - turn it off! You could be forgiven for the phone ringing and annoying everyone the first time. But if another phone rings and the same person is the culprit, you cannot be upset if some theater goers decide to start an angry mob with pitchforks and torches and deal with you permanently.

4) If you go shopping prior to the movie - good for you! Our economy apparently needs support - I am all about it. Place your bags on the ground, quietly, and leave them there until the end of the movie. Don't ruffle your Neiman Marcus and Macy's bags! They don't need to be checked on - they're okay. Get your pesky paws off your items and review your purchases when you get! I shouldn't sound like you're wrapping presents in the back.

5) Last but certainly not least, this is the movie theater not THE THEATRE! And since this isn't Broadway, there is no need for applause or standing ovations for good performances. No one is going to emerge from the screen to take a bow. Colin Firth can't hear or see you. Don't yell at the screen either. Laughter is acceptable, beyond that - shut up. 

There are others like arriving late and then being picky about where you sit. Pacing the aisle or going into the most difficult spot within a row, like the middle! Sit down and make it quick! But we will not discuss those things today. I feel better now.

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