My time as a Yankee visitor in the South has come to an end. I am leaving on a jet plane back to New York City today. I must say that I find the South to truly be a different world. I will not pass any judgement on whether it is a better world or not, but it is definitely its own distinct place! And when I don't feel like I have been on a different planet, I have felt like I've stepped back in time in some instances, finding confederate flags in shops and Civil War magazines. I assumed that we were all past this plot point in American history - guess not.
I love that folks are wearing their NRA Members coats. To be clear, I don't begrudge anyone their right to be a part of any group they choose (even if I don't agree with all of their positions), but I do think it's in bad taste for anyone to wear any "club coat" if you will. I have lots of love for Madonna, but you don't see me wearing my fan club jacket do you? Also, to be clear, I am not actually part of a Madonna fan club - this is just an example. I also love having people say out loud that Hillary Clinton is faking her blood clot and then being forced to respond that this is more Fox News foolishness. I am proud of myself for not allowing my head to do a complete 360. Anyway, it is just a great and entertaining place. But now it's time to say goodbye - back to the land above the Mason Dixon Line and East of the Hudson River - back to my liberal bubble.
Oh and before I go, I must post my favorite discovery from the South. The Just Busted News - Lumps of Coal on the Way. It's just toooo good. I have saved the issue. Here are some pics...
I mean you just can't make this stuff up! It's just too good to not document - absolute insanity. Oh, for the record, I enjoy Gone With the Wind. I am not sure why exactly, besides all the drama and the fact that Scarlett O'Hara was basically a slut. Gotta love the South!
I should start a drinking game for every time I hear the phrase "going over the fiscal cliff" in the national media. I would find myself more inebriated than I did at the holiday party and that's saying something. Actually, if that were the case, I'd probably find myself dead as I don't think I could be any more drunk than I was at the holiday party - just ask my boyfriend's Jack Spade bag!
Anyway, I know that I am breaking another self imposed blog rule. I try to stay clear of politics due to the divisiveness it causes and because there usually folks find nothing humorous about the dysfunction of our government (I personally find it to be QUITE entertaining), but this fiscal cliff nonsense is just too good to pass up. I also know that the entire point of this blog is for my "notes on the every day insanity of life." Usually that consists of me writing about embarrassing myself at the holiday party with co-workers, witnessing a shake down of the unsuspecting public by a homeless criminal, or my Grandmother's propensity to wash dishes in her panties. With that being said, this fiscal cliff thing still technically fits into the definition of every day insanity - so I have decided it deserves a post.
So everyone in Washington, D.C. has worked themselves up into a lather about this fiscal cliff. So to make sure I understand this correctly - Congress and The White House are having heart palpitations over a fiscal cliff that Congress created over a year ago and that the President signed into law in the hope that when we arrived here in 2012, it would force them to negotiate on the big drivers of our deficit. Right? That's what's happened or am I missing something? Our politicians are acting like Armageddon will arrive in 2013 due to something that they themselves created. If that's not the definition of insanity, I don't know what is.
I will not get into who I believe is more at fault for this nonsense, other then to say they all share blame and should all find themselves unemployed, which of course will not happen. For all the hysteria, whatever happens when we fly off the cliff, Americans will get through this as well. I believe the American public has pretty much become used to their government shoving rods up their ass with no lube. I suppose we will bend over and take this as well. Actually, sadly, some Americans probably have huge assholes because they don't even seem to notice or feel it when Uncle Sam comes tickling their backdoor with a big un-lubed rod - but thats another post. I will not get on my soapbox about apathetic Americans when it comes to politics or folks who don't take notice.
A good friend of mine always told me that all politics could be explained by talking about everyday things - like toys and candy. If folks followed that logic it also might help more people remain interested in the process. I would go on and on rambling my opinion on these subjects, but she would always simply say - simplify it. So, I am going to do that with this issue - maybe people will find this more interesting, so here it goes. Simply put, whatever your opinion on the fiscal cliff, someone will need to pay more or someone will have their candies taken away. Think of Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc as candies. I prefer Starbursts myself. Someone, and that would be the American people, will need to pay more for their Starbursts. Of course, who pays and how much is the question. But to be clear, Americans of ALL colors and stripes like their candy. Seniors especially like their candies. One could argue that they have earned it, but regardless they certainly like it. Some people you could argue need their candy more than others. You cannot go to the local Duane Reade and receive a bag of Starbursts for free. Now we can choose not to purchase candies, or not purchase your candies for as many people as we do now, and some people will go without candies. Who wants to be the Big Bad Wolf and not pay for candies for the masses or take candies from one group in order to pay for candies for another group? Probably no one, but folks either need to pay or not pay for the candies that they want - that's what all of this is about.
So the United States of America, our politicians, cannot decide who is going to pay for all the candies we have become accustomed to having or decide how much candy we are going to have, or not have, in the future. I do not mean to belittle the importance of tax rates or our social safety net, but that's what the problem is and when you put it in context of candy, or something a child could understand, it seems rather silly and pathetic. My friend, we will call her A, was right - it's a simple concept.
So since this problem still has not been solved as of the writing of this post, I have resigned myself to the fact that my taxes will go up and nothing ultimately will be solved. As a society, we still have not come to a consensus as to whether or not we truly believe in a social safety net and, if so, how much net are we willing to pay for - how much money should Uncle Sam take out of our pockets? Should people who earn more pay more? Are too many people sucking on what some would say is the worn out breast of America? I don't have all the answers to these questions - you decide. However, I do know that our politicians will most likely screw us. I will keep my more detailed feelings to myself, but I will take this time to say they all bear responsibility and all have failed - the President, Congress, all of them. If they can't slam on the brakes and prevent us from flying over a fiscal cliff they created, they have failed. So with that being said, wake me up when we've either gone over the cliff or slammed on the brakes at the last minute. All of this cliff talk is giving me agita and all of the hullabaloo, while serious, is also laughable - since IT IS A MANUFACTURED CRISIS. It's like being shocked that the Con Edison bill or the rent is due on the first of the month. They created the bill and gave it a due date. The bill is due folks. The bill is due. Now pay up bitches! Pay up!
WORD OF THE DAY: PAY!!!
Off topic, the entire time I've been writing this post I have had this song in my head. This should lighten things up significantly. Here you go...
Folks, be alert. Be alert! You just cannot trust any hobo or homeless vagabond that bumps into you on the street! They will rob you half blind if you're not careful. I don't know how pervasive this particular scam is, but I have seen it happen several times.
If you're walking the streets of Manhattan and a bum looking person bumps into you and then drops his bottle of "liquor "and it breaks on the street - it is a scam! Don't go off and give the man money. Don't He bumped into you on purpose and since his "liquor" was in a black bag, it probably was just a glass bottle filled with water. Do not feel guilty! Do not argue with the man! Do not feel pressured! Do not feel manipulated! Do not give in! Do not be afraid! Look the bum in the eye, tell him to scram, and that he shouldn't be drinking anyway! Then walk away folks, walk away! I am sure there are many honest bums on the street, but we've got some sneaky ones here in Manhattan! I almost said honest and hard working, but...yeah...I guess that wouldn't exactly add up.
Last week, it happened in Midtown and the bum was screaming, cursing, and creating a scene. It looked as though he had chosen a group of unsuspecting tourists to prey upon. After some arguing, they moved to the side of the street where I can only assume they gave the bum money for his supposedly broken bottle of alcohol. Many months ago, a friend of mine experienced this same scenario in Harlem. A man bumped into her and a friend. His supposed bottle of alcohol, which was in a black plastic bag and of course could not actually be seen, dropped on the ground. He then demanded to be compensated. When they said no, he followed them and screamed at them. I believe he even threatened to go to the police. They eventually caved and gave the man money.
The moral of the story is that real bums shouldn't even have any money to purchase booze and if they are it is a misappropriation of their funds that were probably given to them by some member of the generous working public. With that being said, all funds given to hobos and bums and homeless should go to Egg McMuffins or some sort of food, not booze. So, in the event that they actually have a liquor bottle and it actually gets broken - so be it. Just think of it as a sort of less expensive Promises rehab on the fly and the cheap for the homeless. Do not be fooled people! Do not be fooled! I have done my public service and have warned the public!
The Volunteer State would be Tennessee for those of you who did not know that. I am glad I double checked that fact before I made this post public, as I thought Tennessee was the Show Me state - but that's Missouri. At either rate, they are both west of the Hudson River and are places that often illicit a raised brow of suspicion from me. I am generally wary of parts of America that don't touch an ocean or Great Lake. Although, Nashville has grown on me and not because of that television show Nashville that I refuse to watch. Sorry Connie Briton, loved you on American Horror Story, but just can't with this. A little too much twang for my blood.
But in traveling to the Volunteer State today a few things occured that made me chuckle. Clearly, someone forgot to pay the heating bill at LaGuarida Aiprort this month! Sheesh! What are they storing - dead bodies? Well, it is located in Queens - so you never know what's going on. KIDDING. Queens is cool, I like Astoria. What else. The TSA decided to give me a quick pat down and inspect my HAIR - my dreadlocks - for weapons I assume. First the shoe bomber, then the underwear bomber, and now me - the hair bomber. I am not kidding! The TSA workers can see your naked ass on a screen in the name of national security scanner thing apparently detected something. I was then asked to turn around so I can "inspect your hair." I suppose that was the next rational place to check for box cutters and dirty bombs. I cannot be bothered.
The Boy and I later made a friend on the plane. I don't like making friends when it is not on my iteniary for the day. "What are you guys, artists or something? Are you two in the arts or the sciences? What do you do?" Insert awkward silenece. "Education and Property Management" I responded with a laugh. "Shows how much I know!" she responded. Right, because lady you don't KNOW US and you shouldn't be yappping about things you don't know. You might look at me and The Boy and think a lot of things - but that was a new one.Next thing I know she'll be asking who is the top and who is the bottom! People should just mind their own business. Clearly, all of my Christmas cheer escaped my body on the evening of the 25th.
We left the plane and entered the airport to find someone singing a live rendition of Sweet Caroline! The guy was not half bad and was a plesant sign that I was definitely in the South.
Hopefully, I can get back on my normal routine of posting in the morning. However, this may be difficult with The Boy's family as they actually are into doing family things together - for like big chunks of time. My family always missed that memo. Anyway, until next time!
Merry Christmas everyone! I hope everyone is having a safe, fun, and relaxing holiday with their families and loved ones. 2012 has been an exceptionally good year for me overall. I have felt very fortunate. With that being said, The Boy and I decided that we should limit the number of gifts we purchased for one another this year. I don't know, it just didn't seem right with so many people strugglig in various was this year to go on some ridiculous shopping spree. And besides, in my mind I have everything I need or want - at least that's what I've been saying. Of course, The Boy always finds a way to prove me wrong as I was SUPER excited and giddy when I unwrapped my iShower this morning.
This may be the coolest device ever. First of all, I must explain my love of singing and performance. In my past life I was a famous singer - I am serious. I just know it! In my mind I have talent, but I am smart enough to know that it is best that it only be displayed for my eyes - so the best place would be the shower. So the shower is my stage. We've always had a speaker dock in the bathroom where we could play music, but my iShower is bluetooth streaming and connects to multiple devices - up to five! So, just in case my music library isn't enough, I can connect to The Boys library or whoever else decides to come over and shower at our apartment - not that we usually have a bunch of shower guests. Just clarifying as that line sounded odd to me. The point is...this is totally cool. I can turn on music in my bathroom from my phone while sitting in the living room! Just totally awesome.
I am especially excited to go shower today. I can do my best Celine Dion fist to chest slap while I lather myself up with soap. I can do the Mariah Carey ear hold as I hit those high notes. All I Want For Christmas Is YOOOOOOOOOU! I can strike my best pose and Vogue. Of course, that's a hard one to do as you don't want your arms to slap the shower liner - creates problems. I can attempt to Moonwalk! Anyway, I've got plans for this afternoon! Now, technically, none of this is really new from my normal showering routine, but I have a new toy and new toys makes everything more fun.
